It is almost 3pm and I am only having my first coffee right this minute, which is … I can’t express how this is both a nightmare, because it is early afternoon, and also the most glorious moment in my life to date, because I am finally drinking the delicious, delicious coffee.

What happened was: wine taken, crashed at a pal’s house, which is a million miles away from my coffeepot, which wouldn’t be an issue because I am not friends with people would refuse to give me coffee — but my lift to the train station was leaving RIGHT THEN so I flung myself into the car, and flung myself out and then there was no train for an hour. No coffee, not even rubbish train station coffee. So I had a bag of cheese and onion crisps and a Coke, which both saddens {how old am I?} and thrills me {still crazy after all these years.*}

I hadn’t been prepared to wait for the first mug of life-giving coffffeeeeeee for two and half hours. However! I had been prepared to fling myself out the door of my friend’s house, so I packed what I consider to be the best morning-after-the-night-before products — well, I do now, because I managed to look youthful, not dreadful.

>L’Oreal Nude Magique BB Cream (€14.99/£9.99) I am digging this stuff all the way to the earth’s core. Flawless coverage, with just the correct degree of light reflecting qualities, so that you look radiant rather than sweaty from toxins seeping out of your pores.

> Also from this line, L’Oréal Lumi Magique Touch of Light Highlighting Pen (€12.99/£8.49) did an amazing job of covering up the dark circles, and because I was so delighted that I didn’t look like the dog’s dinner, I felt perkier.

> Eyebrows! So important! Especially as I was in no way going to bother with mascara. Clarins ‘Pro Pallette’ Eyebrow Kit (€39/£32.99) has everything you need to groom yourself awake and alive, but I’d leave the tweezers if you’re feeling a little blurry. I have gotten very bold about the impact of my brows, and use the black pigment (upper left).

>A swipe of Clarins Gloss Prodige in Papaya (€17/£15.50). I am hoping to test a pinkier version of this gloss, because it is indeed prodige.

>Finally, had to see to the The Hair, and brought along the Ojon™ Full Detox Rub-Out™ Dry Cleansing Spray (€20/£18), which was fine; next time, I think I’ll take the Batiste Dry Shampoo Original from Aldi (€2.39), to see how they compare. Here’s a pro tip if you’ve got long hair: I find it hard to really get the stuff on the roots, which is where it is most useful. Even flipping The Hair over doesn’t help. So! I kept the ponytail I had slept in {with? in? why is this taking so long to wriiiiiite} and pulled it up a bit and sprayed the dry shampoo right where I wanted it.

Hey, I thought that was genius. But then, I’m down several thousand brain cells at the mo’.

Sorry, no pictures, it was beyond my capacity. Do take my word that when I got home and looked in the mirror, I was surprised that I didn’t look like the walking dead, and owe it all to the above.

*Or at least not bothered to act my age.