I hated having short hair, the three times in my life that I made that mistake — a mistake for me, it simply doesn’t suit. I hated it because I had to tend it allll the time; it seemed like way much more work that long, especially when all I wanted to do was pull it back into a ponytail.

Except, I have always been a bit crap at making ponytails? Unlike our Gold Medal Boxer Katie Taylor!

I don’t know how she does it, but me, I need product. What a surprise.

I googled around a bit, but wowee, some of the ponytail-making suggestions are way too much like work. All I want is sleek, and I don’t want flyaway ends.

So:
> Brush the stuffing out of your hair. Make it as flat as possible.

> Spray a little something on the top of your head, at the crown. I used Batiste Dry Shampoo. This is mainly to flatten it and make it stay.

> Brush it some more.

> Okay, gross: hold the elastic between your teeth. Come on! This is real life! You do it too! Yeah, yeah, yeah, unsanitary, but me, that third arm I usually use for hair styling is in the shop.

> Now, this next step depends on how well you gather up the hair. This is where I always go wrong. Either  the hair on the top of your head is going to stay perfectly flat, or you’re going to have to brush it down again. When I have to re-brush it, I start all over, because there will always be that rogue lock sticking up. Elastic goes back in the mouth, I let the hair go loose, and do over.

> Then, gently, gently, put some sort of styling aid on the tail itself. Any one of the oil-y yokes on the market will work, mousse is good — I used what has clearly become my Olympic hair product, Moroccanoil Hydrating Styling Cream.

And the brother of yer dad is Bob.

***

Still buzzing from that victory!