Tanning Twenty Twelve: L’Oréal Sublime Bronze Self-Tanning Fresh Feel Gel

In the mood for some Machiavellian bronzing?

There was so much ‘eh’ about L’Oréal’s Sublime Bronze gel (€22.49):
> The tube is really fiddly. The cap is tight, which is good, because you don’t want this dripping all over the place, but it is hard to open — every time I did, product spewed out of the tube and got all over the place anyway.
> It felt sticky going on.
> Even though it was orange, I couldn’t see if I was missing any spots.
> It was orange.
> It felt like it took forever to dry.

On the other hand,
> It doesn’t smell.
> You can use it on your face.

I was not impressed… until later in the day when I looked at my face in the mirror and thought Holy wow, look at how naturally brown I look! Further impressiveness resulted when, the next day during a break in jumping, one of my horseriding pals started quizzing me about my tan, and whether it was real or fake, because she couldn’t tell.

It produces a really warm, excellent shade, and it has lasted for four days so far. I expect it to last the week.

So, ‘eh’ notwithstanding, the ends justify the means. A philosophical tan, then, and also one that makes you look like you’ve been lounging around Tuscany for a fortnight. Perfetto.

Snap! Judgements: Scents and Sensibility

Loads of stuff came in, in the last couple days/weeks, and let’s try and catch up, shall we?

Snap! I haven’t really been all that fussed about not having a boyfriend, but I got a wee sample of Chanel’s Allure Homme Sport in the post, and um, yeah, okay, I’ll have one now, please? Because I would like to douse him in this. It smells sexy and delicious. It’s €81.50. Nope, still want to just bathe a dude in this stuff.

Snap! I am intrigued by Pukka Ayurveda, which is available in The Health Store (locations across Dublin.) I like the idea of tailoring your diet and lifestyle according to your body type, and wonder if it really works. I am also into face oils right now, so the combination of the ayurveda and the Nourishing Face Oil (€36.66) was really appealing. Smells great, absorbs perfectly, but I couldn’t tell if this was dosha-related or not, and then a few hours later the skin around my nose — the only sensitive area on my whole face — started feeling itchy. Hmm.

Snap! Do you want to smell like a piña colada? I didn’t think that I did, either, but I gave The Body Shop’s Coconut Body Mist a spritz and was immediately transported back in time to summer vacations Down the Shore, and suddenly all was right in my world. Time travel for €11.95! Not bad.

Snap! On the other hand, I took a look at the Wonder Waterproof Mascara in Wonder Mint by Clarins (€24.40), and went “Whoa, hey, 1981 just rang and it wants its mascara back!’ See the colour of the tube? That is the colour of the product. it was with great trepidation that I applied it and… it’s not all that aqua-y when you put it on. Here’s another Photo Booth special:

It creates a vibe of aqua without it looking like you’ve painted your lashes greeny-blue.

So, not the snappiest of judgements, but see? See what happens when you make a decision based on reaction rather action?

Let this be a lesson to us all.

Tan Twenty Twelve: Setting the Standard with Ambre Solaire

Let this be a lesson to us all: I had some bad outcomes with the Garnier brand in the past, as regards self-tanning. But that was the past, and we all have moved on, and so when I got a sample of the new No Streaks Bronzer Self-tanning Mousse, I went for it!

No complaints whatsoever. In fact, nothing but praise.

Since I’ve been smart and have been SPFing, my skin took on a little bit of natural, not-burny colour. I know, weird, right?!?! That’s the only encouragement I needed, and the morning after this great discovery, post-shower, I put on my tanning mitt, shook up the bottle and got to work.

I love a good mousse, and this is a good mousse. The coverage is great, there’s enough tint so you can see the bits you’ve missed, it doesn’t stink, and it dries in a fingersnap.

Here’s a freaky picture of my arm, after two applications. I don’t know, can you even tell? Are you completely hypnotised by how little my hand looks?

I need to get a proper camera, because I swear, this is such a good hue. It’s not just about being not-orange, you know. Let’s raise our standards, people!

Besides being not-orange, this is warm and looks utterly natural. It’s €21-ish for 150mls, which seems okay to me. I don’t know, I’ve only just started bronzing, so I don’t know how much things cost this year. I will refer back to the coverage and reiterate that it is great, and so I would expect to get a lot of mileage out of this.

You can’t use this on your face, though. So what did I apply to me gob to make it look glowy and brown? Tune in tomorrow…

Noooooooooo! Come Baaaaaaack!

I have all these SPFs I tried out, Sun, and what, now you’re fecking off?!?!

Do you expect everyone to go off on a fantasy holiday to Krk??

Well, anyway: yesterday, I said I was going to cover myself in protection, and so I did.

At €5.99, you get a lotta bang for your buck with Lacura Suncare Moisturising Spray. The Aldi brand always comes through with the excellent price point. The spray action is not so great, unless you are in fact, say, on the deck of ship cruising the Adriatic. It got allll over the place in my house, and all over the clothes, too.

Garnier’s Ambre Solaire Light & Silky Protection Mist SPF 30 {whew!} was another spray that made a mess. Not that I learned from my previous mistake, no: got a fine white film over everything around my right leg. The further away you hold it the better, obviously, but again, I think I’ll be sticking to cream-based SPFs for doing the daily business. This goes for €26.83 which seems pricey.

I had fun with the Stick Sensible from Eau Thermale Avène, so I was happy enough to give their Very High Protection Emulsion 50+ a go. I totally forgot I had put this on, and this is excellent on many levels: it absorbed quickly, it smelled clean, and my skin felt soft afterwards. Only complaint: why so small, my French friends? 50mls seems on the shy side for €22!

La Roche-Posay Laboratoire Dermatologique have the most frustrating packaging on the planet. I didn’t even know what this was for until I unearthed the little brochure thingie that came in the box, that slid out of a sleeve. Their Anthelios AC 30SPF Matte Extreme Fluid is another one that comes in at 50mls, is only slightly less costly at €19 and is only for the face. Sheesh. But you know what? It is extremely fluid, and it worked extremely well: my face felt nicely toasted after spending a few hours basking, with nary a nasty patch of red to be to seen.

Well {heaves an enormous sigh}, at least I’ll be prepared when the Sun does decide to come back…

On Your Marks, Get Set, SPF!

Hallelujah! I am going to cover myself in sunscreen and come back and tell you all about it.

The thing is, all the sun creams and sprays and mists have to pass a load of tests, right? I mean, no one is going to be able to put something on the market that’s going to result in a lawsuit. Given that, I think the thing about sun care is gonna be all about texture, rate of absorption, and how badly it gets all over your clothes.

Now, ideally, you are sunning yourself on the Dalmatian Coast, and are in your togs, so it doesn’t matter if you get sunscreen all over the place. But if you’re going out at your lunch hour, or planning on sitting out-of-doors to work, and you don’t think ahead and put on some protection before you put on your clothes, then it’s a concern.

I can tell you right this instant that Lidl’s Cien Sun Cream SPF 20 made it into my horseriding kit bag, and it’s gotten passed around the last few days. It’s coverage isn’t great, and you have to use maybe more than you’d like, but at €2.49, you can go through this for a short cut and it won’t matter. Neither does it absorb very quickly, so one the one hand, it has the potential to get all over your clothes, but on the other, you do a good job of spreading it round, because it takes forever to sink in.

The tube is highly portable, which is why it ended up in the equine rucksack, and it’s a big plus. I’ve got ones sitting on the desk that are massive, which means they will probs get socked into the luggage when I go to Croatia for my hols*, but aren’t going to be useful to me on the local road, if you know what I mean.

Okay! Off to apply myriad products to my limbs and then once more into the breach, my friends!

*I am not going to Croatia, except in my dreams. Hmmm, let’s call this ‘visualisation’ and not ‘fantasising’. ‘kay?

A Sensible Stick by Eau Thermale Avène!

First, let me just say: look how nice and shiny my famous supermodel thumbnail* looks! And just so you know, I have duly applied another coat of the Dr Lewinn’s stuff, and boy, do I feel virtuous!

Also feeling virtuous re: suncare. It is understandably difficult to be bothered about SPF in this country, but as I do spend time out-of-doors on the horses, I have decided to cop on. And with the sky this very strange and unfamiliar shade of … blue, I think that is blue? it only stands to reason that there will be a glowing orb radiating both healing rays and not-so-healing rays.

On the way to the yard last night, even though it was slightly overcast when I left the house, I took up my Stick Zones Sensibles by Eau Thermale Avène, and rubbed it all over my face. This seems like a good one to bring to the yard, because it’s small, and it’s waterproof. And even though I am riding with a helmet, and it’s got a wee brim, I can still get colour.

I want colour, but I don’t want to burn, so yeah, SPF. Here’s hoping I actually have need of this thing over the coming months.

I guess it worked — I mean, it did get sunnier as we went up the hill, and we were outside, but it was after 7pm, so…? I don’t know. To be honest, I’m going to go a’googlin’ because I don’t see how you really judge SPFs. Okay, like, total fail if you fry, but otherwise? I think it may be about absorbency and fragrance and relative stickiness.

Eh. So, I’m going to be good, and do this. According to a study done by Avène, 77% of women and men don’t bother with sunscreen on their lunch hour. As if it’s not hard enough to decide what you’re going to eat in the first place! Seriously, though, it is a good decision to slap on some protection, and there are easier, if more chemically-based, ways to get your glow on. But you still need to use sunscreen anyway. I think I read somewhere that you have to put it on even on the bits that are covered by clothes, because clothes don’t really protect you? Wha’?!?! Off to go see is that true or not…

*On a day when I have nothing else to do, I am going to find all instances of said thumbnail and make a whole category, just for it. Gotta have goals, ladiez.

Actual Bronzing from Actual Sun!

I can’t get a good picture of my arms, which, after only like 45 minutes sitting in the sunshine at lunch, are warmly light brown.

I mean, not like a celebrity tan — which is a good thing, depending! — but more like I am a living, breathing human being, and not a pale pod person who still has to wear her fat coat to the stable. Wearing a down jacket in May! I ask you!

Since we are set to get the stones split by sunshine over the next few days, I am sure that most among us are going to be gasping to take advantage of it. This is as good a time as any to shake my finger at yees all re: SPF. Frankly, I am shamelessly using you as a surrogate, because as I have said before on this site, I am a lazy arse when it comes to sunscreen.

Not anymore! I am going to go on an SPF binge for as long as we have the rays beating down upon us. Eau Thermale Avéne have a new suncare line that is going to get a look in tomorrow, when I prepare to go horseriding, and I’ve also got some goodies from Cien, the house brand from Lidl,  and we’ll see how we get on with that. I’m sure I’ve got more, but I am posting from the library in Dun Laoghaire, and can’t remember what else I’ve got in the press.

Seriously, I swear, my arms are nice and toasty. It may just be from the flourescent light in here, though. Eh, I don’t care, because you know what the colour of my arms is? The colour of HOPE.

The Spirit is Willing…

The flesh! It is not so weak! It is more than willing to leave off the paleness and start to glow. So what’s the prob?

Maybe the flesh is weak. I have enough self-tan to keep me occupied for a couple of weeks, and I keep ‘forgetting’ to slap some on, post-shower.

I have spent some time looking at these videos, produced by Garnier; I am sure that this is some form of denial. There’s one about how to spray tan yourself correctly, which surprised me: apparently, you are not supposed to approach it as though you were tagging the wall outside a Centra. Who knew! I will give this go — someday — even though I dislike getting tan all over the bath. Or maybe it won’t go all over the bath now that I know how to apply it correctly.

Meanwhile, here’s a link to an excellent dance mix, a generously free download by DJ Nick Bike if you are as into that sort of thing as I am. Maybe I will dance myself into the bath and … nah.

Snap! Judgement: Roger & Gallet Huile Embellissante in Fleur d’Osmanthus

This is a new launch from the fragrant French firm, who are celebrating 150 years in the smelling-good biz.

Snap! The colour of the bottle is a dead giveaway. This is gonna smell orange-y.

Snap! The bottle gives good squirt, which can be an issue. It doesn’t spray all over the place {sorry, my mind just wandered there for a sec…} but you do need to cup the palm or else you won’t get the full benefit of the pump. Insert filthy giggle here.

Snap! Yup, orange-y, and kind of light-yet-smokey? Your nose may tell you something different. Let’s just say floral, which again, no surprise, it says fleur right there in the title!

Snap! It applies beautifully. I do love a dry body oil, they feel so luxurious and sexy. The skin on my right forearm felt very soft for quite a long time.

Snap! Then, I cheated and used it after my shower, and this mitigates the snappiness of the judgement, but the oil applies really well to the dry bod, and I’m going to use it on the damp bod next time. The scent is not my style, so it’s gives my a bit of a headache — I prefer darker, woodsier fragrance — but the resulting soft skin is worth it.

It also says you can use it on your hair. Hmmm…

Roger & Gallet Huile Embellissante in Fleur d’Osmanthus, 100mls €26.50

Chase Your Dude Around the House with SPF

Because one in eight Irish dudes will get skin cancer.

Yeah, I know, I’m looking out my window, too, and the sun seems a distant, wistful memory. And frankly, the last three {four? Five?} ‘summers’ haven’t exactly inspired any of us to even think twice about UV protection.

I am bad enough, me with all my samples and knowledge, about being ambivalent as regards the SPF, but dudes? How many dudes do you see sloping around with their shirts off, the minute the mercury creeps above anything that seems even remotely warm? And, as it says in the video created by La Roche-Posay for their Save Our Skin campaign, some Irish dudes do think that sunburn is hilarious — I’ve seen them, laughing at their poor, lobstery mates! — but the long term ill effects of a right roasting can be life threatening.

So, you know, if you want your man to take care of his pelt, it might be up to you to get the routine started. And, uh, apparently like, clothes don’t really block out the UV as much as you’d think, so if you are chasing your dude around the house with SPF, well, it could be fun. Because you can’t really apply the stuff effectively when those clothes are on? Right?

Sun protection can be sexy.