FRONTAGE

Festive Frontage: Wonderbra Ultimate Strapless

/ brightandbeautyfull / 2 Comments

My shoulders have gotten some lovely definition from the horseriding, and I’ve gotten my collarbones back, too, which is: wha’? I don’t know, but I’m happy enough, and want to show them off this holiday season.

At this stage, I revisit the horror that is the strapless bra.

If it’s not one failure, it’s another. It feels too loose. It feels too tight. The cups don’t stay up. The cups are squashy. It digs into that place under your arms. It either feels like some kind of medieval torture instrument, or you don’t trust it. If you can’t trust your strapless bra…! Total nightmare.

Here’s a dream come true.

WONDERBRA 2The Wonderbra Ultimate Strapless packaging boasts that it ‘feels like you’re holding yourself in place’. I immediately thought to myself WTF, that is ridic — Oh, right.

It must be some function of that extra X chromosome, but I admit to hoiking up the ladies every now again, when debating a boob lift. They always look so nice that way! So the notion that a bunch of scientists did a bunch of Science to replicate this action makes me think that Science is finally making good use of Its time.

Quit searching for the God particle, lads! Make me the perfect strapless bra!

And so they have. Now, this thing is structurally sound in the extreme, in that you can’t fold it into itself to stick in the drawer. I tried and I felt like I was compromising its architectural integrity. So I’m keeping the yoke it came upon, because I don’t want to do anything bad to this, ever.

WONDERBRA pack

It really fits. It doesn’t pinch, it feels like it’s going to stay in place, and in fact, it does stay in place: in the interest of my own scientific inquiry, I danced around the flat and the shizz did not budge.

The thing is, those scientists — or was it engineers? — anyway, the brassiere boffins made these polycarbonate hand-shaped structures that are moulded into the cups, negating the need for that pesky, pokey underwire. Wearing the bra is exactly like you are cupping your own boobs*. Don’t dwell on it too much, trust me; and trust me on the fit of this thing, it is spectac.

I do feel that it doesn’t really do the pushing-together thing that I need for optimum cleavage, but it makes up for that in stupendous support and comfort.

Hmmm, I guess this isn’t really a gift for anyone but yourself? Whoops!

***

The Wonderbra sizes from A to F! €46/£24/$54

* Helen Mirren, Oscar dress, felt like boobs were cupped by the hands of angels? How far back in time is that event? My brain, and its cray cray storage system.

Bright & Boobyfull! The Belvia Bra

/ brightandbeautyfull / Leave a comment

Some days… some days, you just want to give The Girls a break, don’t you?

I do. Some days, I simply don’t feel like hoiking ’em up in some class of underwire or push up bra. Days that are casual, you know? Nipping-down-the-shops days. {Opps, didn’t mean to do that, LOL.} Days where you’re sloping around the place. Days when the frontage can keep a low profile.

Today, in fact. Today I am sporting The Belvia Bra. Rather than sporting a sports bra, that is, which can also supply necessary support sans spectacle, but the mental shift required to just wear one and not do sport — nope, can’t get there.

So: you don’t want to wear a fancy bra, but you have to wear something, and I highly recommend this. I have it in black, and will probs go get one in white. It is so completely supportive and comfy, it must be some crazy technology, but it is only microfibers, which are fairly run of the mill by now.

They are used here to great effect: the bra is all one piece, and slips right over your head and onto your bod. There are no hooks, the straps don’t slip, and there’s none of that squinchy back fat thing. {Which you shouldn’t have if you have ever had a proper bra fitting. I’m actually due for one, in fact. Hmm: story idea!}

Now: It’s not quite a ‘cuppy’ as shown in the picture. But then, my Girls are not like hers, which are looking rather dramatic, even without a highly engineered bra. The straps are in the sports bra line, and are noticeable when the day’s top has a wide-ish neck. They are serviceable straps, and you may not like to show them to the world {I don’t.}

Nursing mums — says the internet — seem to like them, too: one can quite conveniently pop out a boob, and there’s no pulling and dragging on the sensitive bresticle skin.

I wouldn’t run for a bus in this, as it’s not that supportive, but otherwise? I’m so comfortable I may take a nap.

*FUN FACT: Since its launch in Ireland in February of this year, the Belvia Bra has sold 200,000 units. I don’t know, I keep thinking That’s 400,000 boobs, and it makes me laugh.

I think I may actually need that nap.

***

The Belvia Bra comes in black, white and beige and retails for €15.59. Available at Heatons.