Hey! Weather! I Got Work to Do, Yo.

I know, I know — I know! But even here in Ireland, where we expect such things as hail and rain and sun and hail and rain in one hour, we are getting fed up.

It is feckin’ May, dammit. I have things I need to use and have not got much impetus to do so.

I know I am an amateur when it comes to self-tanning. I still abide by these now arbitrary rules as to when it is actually ‘summer’. Heck, I’d begun relaxing them in recent years to incorporate May, but look where we are with that. How’m I s’posed to check all this stuff I’ve got if there is not going to be A} sun to block or B} sun to illuminate the applied shine?

HEY WEATHER!There’s that bottle of Clarins Splendours Shimmer Body Oil {€37}, which falls squarely in the B category. Sure, I could douse myself from head to toe, and how I yearn to do so, but then what? Cover it up with a jumper? What a waste! I also have a tub of He-Shi’s Luminous Shimmer {€12.60}, not pictured because I think it ran away from home, and is heading for climes in which it can be shown to its best advantage. Cannot believe the bitch did not take me with it.

I suppose I could use La Roche-Posay’s Anthelios XL Invisible Nutritiv Oil SPF50+ {€22} when I go horseriding, and I think I will definitely try in on my face. I found the Anthelios XL Extreme Fluid {€19.50} to come over rather Chaplinesque  — not a good look.

At least I’ll get some use out of the above. But whither my massive IsaDora Bronzing Powder {€25.95}, much less my long-awaited and anticipated Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick {€42.50}? Or the new Vichy Capital Soleil Beautifying Sun Protection Compact {€19.50} — which, okay, since we’re meant to ABSPFing* I should probs use anyway.

All this moaning would be moot if I would just crack into Cocoa Brown’s Night & Day Tan {€7.99}, giving myself the proper canvas upon which to apply all the shimmer. This shows up the tan immediately, with no development time, and showers off the next day to a lovely, light tan. Or so I’ve heard.

And I guess I could work my way into the whole glow-y vibe by using the Chanel Les Beiges Healthy Glow Sheer Powder {€48}.

CHANEL les beiges

I am happy just to look at the lovely cream lid. I am such a weirdy, but that is actually lifting my spirits. So elegant. So… so full of je ne sais quoi. No, I know quoi — it’s an inanimate object, uneffected by the vagaries of les temps.

Anyway, as I watch the rain piss down from the heavens, I feel a rebellious urge begin to stir within… Let the tanning begin! Weather bedamned!

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*Always Be SPFing

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What I Did Yesterday *or* All the Stuff I Put On Myself

I’ve been going round barefaced most of the week, and yesterday it felt like I was wearing all the make-up in the world.

I blame the mascara.

Well, it is not the mascara’s fault. In fact, the mascara is pretty spectac: Clinique High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara in Intense Black. They’ve changed the wand into one of those spiky applicators, and it seems to be twice as long as most spiky applicators. I forgot to put this on my list yesterday because I forgot I had it.

I was never a fan of the Clinique mascara, but this one has changed my mind, even though I went abso crazy and layered on a million tonnes of it. Look how fake the lashes look, though, without having to mess with glue and tweezers!

Also on view is Clarins 3-Dot Liner, with which I did an okay job. The applicator brush is kind of like it is cut into three points, and you just dot it on. The theory is that this is easier than trying to draw a perfect line. In practice? Yeah, easier, and a good result. I recommend using a hand mirror, because I didn’t, and I seem to remember the inimitable Claude Defresne, Clarins’ make up artist, saying to use one. It’s easier to bring the mirror closer to your eye, rather than the eye closer to the mirror.

Lips: NYC Smooch Proof 16H Lip Stain in Berry Long Time. Eh. There’s a difference between matte and flatte, and this was very flatte, and drying. This experience of NYC lip colour was saved by a layer of NYC Kiss Gloss in Sugar Hill Shimmer, as shown. It is very shiny — and fruity! That was fun.

Hang on, what else — OMG. The Glitter. I was like a walking glitter machine yesterday. I apologise to all the people I met, whose hands I shook, and wow, people I hugged? Sorry! The kisses on the cheeks? Mea culpa!

Because I was covvvvvvered in shiny little bits and I am sure that I spread them around like a luminescent plague.

The Eau Sublime Or from Roger & Gallet was not that bad, actually, so the hand-shakers probably got off easy. It is full of sparkle, and completely perfect for highlighting decolletage and bare shoulders. Super sexy, if not super scented. Didn’t get much of an impression off of the body cream, but that was because I mistakenly put on the Glow Getter: Face & Body Sun Powder Spray from Soap & Glory, which is going to get a post all its own, because hoo boy, what a imperfectly perfect product.

So, body aglow, and hey! here’s some stuff for my face. I dispensed a tiny bit of Uplight: Face Luminizer Gel from Make Up Forever and applied it — and almost started screaming, because holy wow, the amount of glitter that is in that stuff is like … it was like a frollick of fairies had farted on my face.

Now, seriously: a day without shimmer is a day wasted, but this was ridic. I had put on some Lancôme Flash Bronzer Face Gel and didn’t want to wash it off and start over, I was pressed for time — and feck it, I said I would wear this stuff, so wear it I would. I scraped off as much as I could and proceeded to try to dull it down with some bronzer.

I don’t think it was noticeable, but again, I do apologise to anyone that got glittered.

Here’s the line up:

It’s that last one on the right you’ve got watch out for…

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Glow Getter not pictured because I am still processing its effects.

What I’m Going To Do Today

Because it is soooo interesting.

No really, I have a lot of stuff to slap on the bod and the gob, and since I am going in to town, I have an reason to get all gussied up.

Also: Going In To Town has become kind of a big deal, because I don’t really need to Go in order to forage for anything anymore, not food, not shoes, not books, so it feels a bit like a staycation.

So:

Just this very morning, the postman brought be Eau Sublime Or and Crème Sublime Or, from Roger & Gallet. Both are shimmery!

I’ve got this stuff called Glow Getter: Face & Body Sun Powder Spray from Soap & Glory that makes me nervous, A} because I hate spraying stuff in the bath and B} powder spray? Like the stuff you spray on your smelly feet? That stuff is a mess.

What else? I got a bunch of NYC Smooch Proof 16H Lip Stain in, so I think I’ll give the Berry Long Time a lash.

I’ve got this Make Up Forever Uplight: Face Luminizer Gel that’s been sitting on my desk… I don’t know, I tried a bit on that back of my hand, as you do, and I don’t think I did it right. I may have to find a tutorial. I think if one messes this up, one looks like an eejit with crazy, shiny pink stuff all over one’s face.

Also! Very, very excited to try Clarin’s 3-Dot Liner, which the brand’s make up artist, Claude Defresne called ‘eyeliner for dummies’ in his lovely French accent. *Sigh*

I better get crackin’. You will probs be seeing me from my usually spot in the back of the 46A…