My toes are not perfectly formed, although they are weirdly small. No: what I am talkin’ ’bout is Max Factor’s Max Colour Effect Mini Nail Polish (€4.99). See, the thing about nail varnish is — other than the fact that it has been wasted on my manky nails — I get tired of a colour almost immediately. Also, it’s all about mood, isn’t it? Like, I’m not going to feel orange or sparkly all the time, am I?

When these little gems came through the letterbox, I was abso delighted. They are so small, I can’t even read how many ounces they are. I don’t think there is even room on the label to include it! Here’s another wack photo of one of my feet:

Combination of colour swatch/relative size of the bottle, of which its body is not as big as my big toe. I really think this is perfection in nail varnish dispensing.

Shown here is Candy Blue, part of the Dalston (London) palette, which also includes Lollipop, Cactus Green, and Cool Jade. This trendy London neighbourhood is joined by Via Tortona (Milan), Marais (Paris) and Brooklyn (NY) (<— LOL: honestly, if you only knew some of the places I have lived in Brooklyn… hilarious.) (Also: not a neighbourhood, it’s a borough, which is much bigger.)

There are 18 shades in all, and they run the gamut from deep opaques like the blue I am sporting, to yummy pale-and-creamy hues, to sharp and sparkly metallics. That’s all I need — you?

Oh: just so you know, this colour is coming allllll the way off before we meet Italy on Monday. Because: duh.