How much work can it be, this tanning? It’s not like digging ditches, I mean, come on. But there is a mental tiredness I am experiencing that is pretty comprehensive, and makes me think I’d rather go pick up a shovel. There is actually a lot of thought that goes into this caper: making sure I’ve exfoliated, because sometimes I can’t be bothered; making sure that I am all moisturised and whatever; and most of all, get my head round the particular qualities of the tan involved.

Glow Getter by Soap & Glory is a Face & Body Sun Powder Spray. Okay, ‘spray’ — already an issue for me, because of the mess. ‘Powder’? Wha’?

I couldn’t get my head round it, and so I kept putting off putting it on.

I gave it a go the other day and I am so confused.

It is awkward. You can’t spray it on a mitt and manage to spread it around as well as you would a mousse or a gel or a liquid. So I had to spray it directly onto the bod. Which resulted in splotches of powdery {it really is a powder!} patches, because I didn’t want to hold the can too far away because the spray would get all over the place.

Too splotchy, though, spraying up close, so I got into the shower — my white, pristine shower — and tried again. It wasn’t much better, to be honest.

I used my mitt to spread the tan around, and was just effing and blinding the entire time. This is a pain in the arse was the prevailing theme.

In about two minutes, though? Pretty feckin’ lovely colour. Extremely warm and … posh. This was instantaneous poshness. I looked like, if my life was Inception, I’d put on some fancy dress and when I walked out my door I’d be stepping onto the Riviera.

Confusion! It is the messiest tan I have ever used, probably down to the powder element — but it is also like the kind of tan you get when you have nothing else to do but lie around on a lounger on the deck of a yacht. {I am guessing. I would very much like to find that out in practice.}

My conclusion: I will take this with me on holiday to a place that has a bathroom that I don’t have to clean myself. Otherwise? Too much like work.

***

€14/£10.50

Also! The next morning in the shower, the colour just rolled right down the drain. Just so you know.