The thing that I loved so much about We Love Laser is that you show up, lie down, get zapped, and you’re done.

On the other hand, there was The Fear. I got over it, in less than three visits, and the Photo Facial is totally non-invasive, but what if you have a laser phobia or whatever?

Dr Lewinn proposes that you can give yourself a lift, sans zappage, at home.

See? Says it right there on the box: Cosmetic Lift, and also, Facelift Without Surgery.

These are all the things in the box:

And these are all the directions:

So many wordsssssss. God, I’m lazy. Half the time I don’t read the packaging, which has resulted in some interesting uses of products: putting stuff on my face, for example, that is actually meant for my hair, or using an exfoliant for the face all over my bod. Whoops!

Also: mixing stuff up + me = disaster, because again: directions, and I so rarely believe that the measurements look correct, so I add more, or less, or whatever, and, big whoops! Don’t ask me to make scones!

But I’m interested in this product because I am interested in Dr Lewinn and all his works, since he’s been doing such a great job on my manky nails.

Okay! Here we go!

First, I had to go clean the sink in the bath. I’ll spare you the before — here’s the after.

Then, all the things you pray won’t happen, happened: the phone rang, a delivery man came to the door, I realised that I ought to take off the big bulky fleece and put on a vest* — which I did, before the delivery man showed up, and boy is he glad I did! Should have gotten his number — and then then I realised that I needed to memorise the poxy directions because I absolutely can’t read anything anymore without my specs —

And then I stopped procrastinating and got down to business…

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*That’s a tank top, to you Yanks.

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£115; see here to buy online from the UK

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