That phrase, I don’t know, it doesn’t really make sense. If you’re wise, why would you need a word from me? I had to google that to make sure I was using it correctly and I was. It’s what you say before you give someone advice.

Oh, advice. It’s what we give away, for free, because we’ve no use for it ourselves.

The sight of the sun sent me into a joyful panic. OMG, I have not done any tanning! It is June! I know it’s a year round gig here in Éire, but I am stubbornly sticking to the seasonal aspect of bronzing. So when Apollo finally dragged his auld chariot our way, I found my self feeling pale, uninteresting, and yes, panicked.

So I decided to just whack on some tan, on my legs, and see how they all worked. I had one on each section — calf, calf, thigh, thigh — and since I am an avid exfoliator, I reckoned that I was as ready as I was gonna be.

Oh, I was so, so wrong. Hadn’t shaved my legs, couldn’t really truly remember that last time I’d scrubbed down properly, and I think I may even have been spotty on the moisturising! Shock and horror.

I shaved the next day, and buh-bye browniness. Huh. Everything that us beauty types write is Actually True.

So here my words, wise ones:

A} Exfoliate the day of, or the night before — maybe even both. I am adoring Elemis Skin Nourishing Body Scrub, beyond measure, and will talking more about that soon.

B} Moisturise, for the love of the little baby Jesus. Between that and the scrubbing, you will have primed yourself to be a masterpiece of at-home tanning.

C} And if you are a leg-shaver, just do it. Or even better, go get a wax. I had the full leg procedure at Shavata in Harvey Nichols, Dundrum, and I have never felt shinier. I think I may be saving me beans for another go.

It’s just a waste of time otherwise, and I hate the time it takes to walk around the house waiting for this stuff to dry. Oh, but when it is dry, and perfectly applied? There’s nothing like a bit ‘o’ colour to warm up the skin tone.

I am off to work on testing SPFs — I know, I know, so selfless of me — and tonight will be treating myself to a Cocoa Brown 1 Hour Tan. I am such a grudging tanner, it’s taken me forever to try this. I’ll have to put it on then shower it off, which is grand, and I have been assured by the reviews of others that it won’t come off on my sheets. But then, those others are probs much better at this self-tanning lark than I, so fingers crossed. I’ve also seen the result on the woman herself, Marissa Carter, who has brought out this particular tan. I only hope I can look as well…

Okay, so. I think I’ve followed my own advice, but if not, sure, it’s another cautionary tale to put the fear of Bad Tan into ya.

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Elemis Skin Nourishing Body Scrub: €38
Shavata Full Leg Wax: €42
Cocoa Brown I Hour Tan: €8

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