Snap! Judgement: Scholl Velvet Smooth Intense Serum

Regular readers will know that I hate feet and think they are gross. My own espesh, probably because my aversion to appendages with toes means that I don’t take good care of my feet, so that they are even more gross. Part of it is that when I lived in NYC, it was as easy as walking down the street to find a deal on a mani/pedi {Monday-Wednesday, $20!}, and any randomer could do a decent if not excellent job scraping and moisturising.

I don’t even like touching my feet to put cream on, because of how long it takes for the product to sink in.

This just came in the post today — will Scholl’s Intense Serum be The Thing that will change my mind, and the aversion of a lifetime?
It’s got Hylaluronic acid in it, for anti-aging, and green caviar — possibly mainly for the smell, because it smells green — and Pentavitin™, which is a skin bioactive that promotes deep hydration {THX Dr Google}. I can’t vouch for the first yet, but this serum definitely smells good and absorbs quickly. It’s also actually a serum:
Well, I’d dispensed some, so of course couldn’t let it go to waste. It felt brilliant: it was invigorating on contact and just got better as I massaged it in. Because it all went so quickly, I had zero time to dwell on the ickiness of feet, and I gotta say, my hooves feel really good, even after just one application.

At €9.49, and for as little a bit that I used, I’m seeing excellent value in the offing. There’s also a new Express Pedi with Diamond Crystals {€49.99} and a Velvet Smooth Foot Soak {also €9.49}, if unlike me you are a foot enthusiast and can think of nothing nicer than spending quality time with your trotters. IDK, I may just go for it, squeams notwithstanding, and see can I mind my toes in my my own home…


Available where all good foot stuff is sold.




Mother’s Day 2014: Things That Spritz and Things That… Fits

Gift guides demonstrate the breadth of options one has when coming up to a big day like Mother’s Day {does anyone still call it Mothering Sunday, which sounds a little bit creepy?} or, they are prejudiced to the writer’s own preferences. This is a little bit of both. I like perfume, and I like things that are contained in other things, espesh when the container is ultimately useful in the future. I like all of these, and your mum may, too.

JO MALONE Rain & Angelica {€100} JO MALONEThis is one of four in the limited London Rain edition, hence the extra few bob in the price. The first hit of this is spectacular, truly infused with the freshness of rain. I pick up a little bit of pepper too, but that may just be my screwy nose (don’t ask me to talk about wine; I can tell if it’s red or white, that’s about the extent of it.) I just kept spraying it and spraying it on myself, because I kept missing the dry down — when I did get it, I was delighted for the wee blast of vetiver. This is lovely, but I will say it doesn’t have the staying power of some the classic JM scents.

Other scents in the collection include Wisteria & Violet, White Jasmine & Mint, and Black Cedarwood & Juniper, the last of which appeals as juniper = gin; also, the press materials claim that it has a ‘carnal touch of cumin’ in it, which — the mind reels.

LACOSTELACOSTE Eau de Lacoste Sensuelle {€60} This brand has always seemed preppy to me, which is mainly what they’re going for — that’s all in the way to say that sensual and little alligators haven’t exactly matched up in my mind. This is here to change yours: it’s got some amber notes in it, to darken things down a bit, and the bottle, as you can see, it designed to reflect the new tone.

It’s still sweet and yummy, though, and this dries down to a nougatine, vamilla-y vibe, so not too shocking a change. It’s definitely a touch more sophisticated — as in, less sporty — than the the original Eau de Lacoste for Women — but it doesn’t get completely down and dirty.

LUSH Mum {€37.95} Talk about ‘what is says on the tin’! This container — yes, made of tin — is chock full of fun Lush stuff. Well, five seems like a ‘chock’ to me. There’s Dream Cream hand and body lotion, which is fab, and a trial-sized Gorgeous mosituriser for the face, along with four delicious bath additives, including a personal fave, the Secret Garden Bath Bomb. The tin is useful after mum uses everything up!

L’OCCITANE The Exquisite Boudoir Collection {€17. with €40 purchase} I myself love a good coffret, and L’Occitane have packed this adorable, yet elegant box with five travel-sized products, including their glorious new scent, Neroli & Orchidee, in Eau de Toilette and body milk form. And you could even spend the €40 on mum — or on somebody else, ahem. You can now shop online at, using the code VELVET, if you haven’t a boutique in your locality.

THE BODY SHOP Spritz & Moisture Basket {€22.95} Ah! A wee beach bag! Available in three ‘flavours’ — Satsuma, Shea, or Moringa — this contains a shower gel, an Eau de Toilette, and a sample of the brand’s famous body butter. Pictured is Satsuma, which I find to be refreshing and sexy, but the other two are equally good, depending on mum’s preference. Perfect to bring along on the big summer holidays.

FIT FLOPSFIT FLOPS The Skinny {€90} These also come in white, and look fab in either colour, I think it’s thanks to the cork-wraparound on the sole. White might go better with the above beach bag, but the red is so sporty and, I don’t know, yacht-y? Which may match nicely with the Lacoste perfume? If mum is an FF enthusiast, you won’t go wrong.

RÓISÍN’S Luxury Irish Chocolates {€9.99} From Aldi, these are delicious, and I can personally vouch for that, because I would never, ever recommend something without having tried it. Ever. So selfless! Anyway, this ‘fits’ because chocolates always work, for chocolate-loving mums, anyway.


Red Alert! Things That Are; Not Just Lippy

Because I like red. Loads.

It’s been ages since the World Famous Super Model Thumbnail™ has made an appearance on this page. Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Right Red Fred {RRP€8.95} is warm red, and that is the brand’s vaunted one coat > meaning, one coat will get you salon coverage. Perfect for us lazy arses who are bad at polishing their nails.

RIMMEL As You Want Victoria
Rimmel London Moisture Renew Lipstick in As You Want Victoria {€6.49} is purely luscious. It feels as soft as a balm, but the pigment! Not what you’d expect from something stuffed full of moisturising vitamins. It isn’t the absolute best for long-wearingness, but blot a couple of times and reapply and you’ll get some mileage out of it.

And here she is again! Giorgio Armani Nail Lacquer in Four Hundred {€24} is a one coat application as well, and a bluer red, which I tend towards. It is so shiny, you’ll be tempted to eschew a top coat; do use one, if only to make it last even longer.

I have been going-to my L’Oreal Paris GlamShine Stain Splash in Juliet {€12.29} since I got it, and it may be the first lippy installment in I Used It All Up. As shiny as gloss, as light and yet not nearly as drying as stain, this is a spectacular red, and the look will last through hours of talking and drinking. I did quite selflessly put that to the test — anything for you lot.

LOUIS VUITTON Capucine £3250
There is a smaller version of the latest It bag, Louis Vuitton Capucine {£3,250*} that does not look as if Michelle Williams could fit her entire self in it, with room to spare for her keys and cell phone. This snap of the page of Vogue is likely as close as I’m going to get to this, but oh! The silhouette! The brazen redness of it! I die.

‘Why is everyone staring at me?’ I wondered grouchily — then I looked down. I had forgotten I was walkin’ around in my FitFlop Super T Sneaker in Flame {£34.99 via}. Red shoes make peeps very starey! {These are, in fairness, very much an orangey red…} I had a pair of red patent leather Doc Martins that inspired New York drivers to shout ‘Nice shoes!’ out their windows as they passed.

I got these in a larger size than my usual, as my previous pair of Super Ts still has not broken in properly. I am not super mad, as it’s not really that FitFloppy in terms of support, not old school FitFlop, in any case. Still, it gives good sole, and had I bought the Gogh Moc Snake clogs in Snake Jam (red) instead of Choclate (self explanatory), they’d be featured here to much greater acclaim. Nice wedgy sole, great to walk in, and they make my ankles look skinny!




Viking Chic? Nails Inc Floral Street Varnish and Goth-y FitFlops

Loving the way the flat, bright white of Nails Inc‘s Floral Street just pops.


I was going to go give myself a pedicure in Photoshop — gasp! Misrepresentation! — and then though, hmmm, might be more useful to show what happens after you have worn a pair of black tights, and have to touch up the big toes.

Now, I admit my toes are manky, and that the nails are the smallest you may ever like to see on a grown human woman {weirdly tiny!} and that maybe people come to The Internet to see perfect things.

I obviously don’t agree. What’s the point of pretending that this is varnish is not doing something that might bug you? Me, I’m happy enough to show the result of a quick and dirty touch up — I had to post and run, ha, ha — because it’s like, real, betches.

Anyway: the varnish is a bit gloppy, and in general the texture is a bit like white out. It took three layers to get the dead white.

I love it anyway! And in tandem with my dungeon-y vintage FitFlops (c. 2010), the overall look is on-trend monochrome, with a Norse twist.




Price point alert! Sheesh!


Are you people gonna tell me you put top coat on your toes????


The Lag of the Jet

Not so bad! Although my skin feels like I would just like to scrape off the top layer. Travel makes me feel so grotty.

I started writing a whole long thing, and it sounded fairly psycho, so: maybe the jet lag is actually standard order, and I should just step away from the keyboard.

Yeah, definitely: I have already forgotten why my sister and I were talking about feet, and the conversation took place only an hour ago.

I was trying to remember the name of this, and I kept thinking ’emoji’. Which, in fairness, is not that hard to see. The Emjoi part of the MICRO Pedi is right there, waiting be confused with the little iPhone icon yokes out of Japan. It is really good, and I have to say that all that skin I scraped off, it’s pretty much stayed off? Which seems impossible? It may also be that I’m not wearing shoes that are not hard on my feet, which = not a’tall sexy, but what is less sexy than lizard feet?

‘Kay, think I may go take a nap.


Festive Feet: Pixy Pedi Gift Set

Ooh, what could this beeeeeeee?

It is a clever and cute giftie from Pixy, Ireland’s natural beauty brand. Based in Co Cork, they’ve made a splash — ha, ha — with their bath bombs and bath muffins, bringing not only jobs to the south, but also clever and beautiful products for the rest of us to try.

I love the bit of ivy! Well, you know, it’s not real, but everything else about this is. The foot scrub is loaded with cocoa butter, and the peppermint foot cream with… yeah, you can figure that on your own.

Adorbs! I’ve also gotten my hands on a Pixy Dream Gift Set, which includes one bomb, one muffin, a shower mousse that comes with one of those scrubby yokes, lip balm, body oil, and a slice of soap — the last being my fave of all things. I suspect it will last me a long, long time. Added bonus is that it makes the whole bath smell lovely, but doesn’t overwhelm.

There are loads more on their site at, and you could pretty much sort out all the female members of your family, and possible all your pals as well.

Shipping in Ireland is free for orders over €50!


Pixy Pedi: €16.95
Pixy Dream: €29.95

Sparkletacular Twinkly Toes from Sally Hansen


Here’s Gem Crush Nail Colour from Sally Hansen, a flock of new glitter varnishes. Behold, the perfectly named Blingtastic.

I don’t bother with a base coat on my toes, and I expect that this will go on much more smoothly with one. The mass of glitter makes it sparkle like Rockefeller Center at Christmas, but it also makes it difficult to apply as quickly as one might wish. You’ve got a couple of coats to do here until you get total coverage.

Once total coverage is achieved, though, the look is spark-tacular. Sparkletacular? Eh, whatevs. Shiiiiiny!


Gem Crush come in eight shades and retail for €8.95.

FitFlops: A Personal History

THE FLOPS, DO THEY FIT? In 2010, I completely banjaxed* my left leg from about mid-calf to the arch. It was a combination of having torn a muscle practicing for a dressage test, and jumping up during an apparent scored goal by Team USA during the World Cup.

Yeah, it doesn’t get any better after two years of telling. Anyway, one missed test and one supposedly offside goal later, I was limping around town like… like a famous limper from fiction or the movies. I can’t think of a character right now, but he or she was me, and it was awful. I went from horseriding four times a week to sitting on my couch, and when I did have to get up to get somewhere, I couldn’t go more than fifty yards without wanting to cry. I became quite expert in the Dublin Bus infrastructure, and also in RICE {rest, Ice, compression, elevation.}

The only thing that got me through, and got me around, due to the clever construction of their wobble-board sole, were my FitFlops. Continue reading

Feet are Gross

That’s just my opinion. Or maybe it’s just mine that are. No, actually, I think your feet are gross, too — sorry!

I have whatever is the opposite of a foot fetish. A foot revulsion. Since I was waxing lyrical on NY manis, I feel I have to talk about the pedis, too. God bless those ladies, the ladies who work on feet. I would rather dig a ditch than scrape nasty old dead skin off of someone’s heel.

Last March, I got a fish pedicure, on a Groupon thingie, and I sweartagod, my feet are still in fairly good nick almost one year later. Or maybe they are not, and since I am so grossed out by them, I haven’t looked too closely.

Allowing dead skin to build up all over again is just the nasty cherry on top of the disgusting sundae, so I bit the bullet and fired up the Emjoi Micro-Pedi. I have had all manner of scrapers at my disposal, from diamond files to things that looked like cheese graters, and I have been pleased by none of them. The little machine runs on 2 AA batteries, which power the roller <— which comes in a coarse, and an extra coarse grade. You can’t hurt yourself with it as it stops itself if it is held too close against the skin, like, you’re not going to scrape done to bone. It also claims to be easy to clean — the files are never easy to clean, the skin just piles up and piles up on the surface, and again: gross.

If you hate feet too, don’t continue after the jump. Continue reading