SELF TAN

Tanning Twenty Twelve: Lancôme Flash Bronzer Face Gel

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Well, I love this, and for so many reasons.

‘Fake tan smell’ is legendary, and the first thing people always ask about self tans: does it stink? To be honest, most self tanning products aren’t pong-y anymore, a sure sign that real people actual do work on making products. I mean, I always reckoned that the robots were behind the creation and development of all that stinky stuff, because no human woman would find them to be acceptable in any way shape or form. Or maybe all the scientists were men, and now they are not.

This does not stink. In fact, it smells really pretty. When you are applying stuff near the nasal area, this is a big plus.

The gel is light, and there’s a bit of tint, so you can see what you’re doing. It feels glorious, and it absorbs something rapid. I’ve used face tanning stuff that feels like a mask, or as if it is getting into your pores with the sole intention of making you break out, so of all its excellent points, this may be the number one.

Oh, and: it gives good colour. Really good. You can tell from the photos I took of my false eyelash escapades. In fact, I looked so brown that during last Friday’s deluge, I felt a little self-conscious. But I got over it.

Naturally, I use this on my neck as well, and have even gone all the way down to the cleavage, and my arms may be next. I’ve used the brand’s Flash Bronzer for Legs all over myself, and nothing untoward happened… I’ll let you know either way.

€29/£23/couldn’t find an American price, and frankly, still a bit wobbly from that terrible loss in the Euros.

Sad Face: What to Put on It

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IRELAND 1 — CROATIA 3  I wish I didn’t care about the footie so much. It is an odd thing, all the emotional energy that one can generate/expend, even when one is watching a match on one’s laptop, much less when one is in an actual stadium. It’s a tribal thing for sure, what with the drums and the face painting, and I love every single second of it — except when it makes me want to puke, and my heart is beating like it’s going to go into arrest, and I scream obscenities at the top of my lungs as though I had no class a’tall.

So I am sitting here looking at stuff on my desk and just don’t even know. My face is so sad, what could possible help cheer it up?

I usually find Lancôme skincare products err too much on the side of their signature scent, but today, it is just the ticket. And their Hydra Zen Neurocalm Anti-Stress Moisturising Cream would have come in handy last night. I’ll have to remember it for Thursday when we take on Spain.

Bliss is always good, as a concept and as a line of spa-quality product. My poor peepers have just benefited from Triple Oxygen Instant Energizing Eye Gel, which is cooling, soothing, and yes, energizing-with-a-z… but they can’t unsee that third Croation goal.

Better to be sad and brown than sad and pale, and American brand Image Skincare do a great Facial Bronzing Cream in their Body Spa category. It smells coconutty, which is a good thing, and if there is the tiniest whiff of fake-tan smell, you only notice it for a quick second. {Feel free to insert comment re: quick second half here.}

I am losing the will, to be honest… and I am usually really good about prices and stuff, but eh, just don’t have the energy.

One thing that always makes me happy is Snow Bunny: Carribbean in a Compact from Too Faced. It is the absolute best bronzer on the planet, and the golden brown, wedded with the white, pink, and fawn shimmer creates a youthful, healthy glow. I had to stock up when I was in the States, and you will have to order it online — unless someone knows a Irish stockist? Could I have some good news, pleassssse???

That’s all I got, friends. Really gutted, but ah, sure, you never know, and Spain and Italy — anything could happen, yeah?

YEAH!

Tanning Twenty Twelve: L’Oréal Sublime Bronze Self-Tanning Fresh Feel Gel

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In the mood for some Machiavellian bronzing?

There was so much ‘eh’ about L’Oréal’s Sublime Bronze gel (€22.49):
> The tube is really fiddly. The cap is tight, which is good, because you don’t want this dripping all over the place, but it is hard to open — every time I did, product spewed out of the tube and got all over the place anyway.
> It felt sticky going on.
> Even though it was orange, I couldn’t see if I was missing any spots.
> It was orange.
> It felt like it took forever to dry.

On the other hand,
> It doesn’t smell.
> You can use it on your face.

I was not impressed… until later in the day when I looked at my face in the mirror and thought Holy wow, look at how naturally brown I look! Further impressiveness resulted when, the next day during a break in jumping, one of my horseriding pals started quizzing me about my tan, and whether it was real or fake, because she couldn’t tell.

It produces a really warm, excellent shade, and it has lasted for four days so far. I expect it to last the week.

So, ‘eh’ notwithstanding, the ends justify the means. A philosophical tan, then, and also one that makes you look like you’ve been lounging around Tuscany for a fortnight. Perfetto.

Tanning Twenty Twelve: What To Do About Spots

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Basically, I have the hide of a rhino, and can test out just about anything. I therefore didn’t think twice about slapping the auld SPF on my face.

Mistake. After two days of doing the right thing, I got a zit on the bottom of my chin — whatever — and one on the front of my face.

Dilemma: will any of the zit-busting treatments that I have react badly with the self-tan I am putting on my face? Is it the self-tan that is making me break out? I have only just made myself all brown and gorgeous, do I need to scrub it off, get rid of the pimple, and start over?

Nope. May I introduce you to Dermalogica’s Concealing Spot Treatment?

I did not find this useful when I wasn’t tanning, because it is too dark for my everyday skin. But as you can see, in yet another weird ass photo of my paw, it is pretty perfect for those with darker complexions, and those who have not come by said complexions naturally.

I had a pic of it blended in, but then you couldn’t even see it, so that’s another point in its favour. Yet another point: it does not contain Benzoyl Peroxide, which tends to dry the sebaceous stuff out, sure, but then your skin is all flaky afterwards. Sulphur and Zinc Oxide are doing the job here, and with the touch of pigment, you can cover up and heal simultaneously.

Spots? The one on my face was gone, daddy, gone, after three applications. The one under my chin is fighting this to the death, but guess who’s gonna win?

Me.

€41.60/£30.50/$25

Love you, Dermalogica, but the difference in price points is shockin’.

Tan Twenty Twelve: Setting the Standard with Ambre Solaire

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Let this be a lesson to us all: I had some bad outcomes with the Garnier brand in the past, as regards self-tanning. But that was the past, and we all have moved on, and so when I got a sample of the new No Streaks Bronzer Self-tanning Mousse, I went for it!

No complaints whatsoever. In fact, nothing but praise.

Since I’ve been smart and have been SPFing, my skin took on a little bit of natural, not-burny colour. I know, weird, right?!?! That’s the only encouragement I needed, and the morning after this great discovery, post-shower, I put on my tanning mitt, shook up the bottle and got to work.

I love a good mousse, and this is a good mousse. The coverage is great, there’s enough tint so you can see the bits you’ve missed, it doesn’t stink, and it dries in a fingersnap.

Here’s a freaky picture of my arm, after two applications. I don’t know, can you even tell? Are you completely hypnotised by how little my hand looks?

I need to get a proper camera, because I swear, this is such a good hue. It’s not just about being not-orange, you know. Let’s raise our standards, people!

Besides being not-orange, this is warm and looks utterly natural. It’s €21-ish for 150mls, which seems okay to me. I don’t know, I’ve only just started bronzing, so I don’t know how much things cost this year. I will refer back to the coverage and reiterate that it is great, and so I would expect to get a lot of mileage out of this.

You can’t use this on your face, though. So what did I apply to me gob to make it look glowy and brown? Tune in tomorrow…

The Spirit is Willing…

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The flesh! It is not so weak! It is more than willing to leave off the paleness and start to glow. So what’s the prob?

Maybe the flesh is weak. I have enough self-tan to keep me occupied for a couple of weeks, and I keep ‘forgetting’ to slap some on, post-shower.

I have spent some time looking at these videos, produced by Garnier; I am sure that this is some form of denial. There’s one about how to spray tan yourself correctly, which surprised me: apparently, you are not supposed to approach it as though you were tagging the wall outside a Centra. Who knew! I will give this go — someday — even though I dislike getting tan all over the bath. Or maybe it won’t go all over the bath now that I know how to apply it correctly.

Meanwhile, here’s a link to an excellent dance mix, a generously free download by DJ Nick Bike if you are as into that sort of thing as I am. Maybe I will dance myself into the bath and … nah.

What Am I Waiting For?

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The self-tans are rolling in, the bronzers are ready to be cracked open, and yet…

And yet, I hesitate. Mainly because I look out my window and see this:

I wish I had video on this blog {soon…} because the rate at which those trees are swaying, and the horizontality of the rain — it is inexpressible, really.

So I look at that and think, I’m supposed to be tanning?

And then one of the other parts of my brain/mind goes: Yeah, but, why not? A little bronze-goddessy-ness would be a great pick-you-up.

Maybe. See, for me, the whole tanning thing is located firmly in an immutable part of the year, and it is attached to specific actions: laying out, the ritualistic application of suntan lotion, being at the beach or the pool, being on holiday — it is the mark of actually having experienced actual sunshine.

Here in Ireland, tanning is an activity that we use to fool ourselves into thinking that the months from June to August signify a period of time in which the weather changes for the warmer and brighter, i.e. ‘summer’. Or, we just do it because we feel like it, or we’ve got a wedding or a christening to go to <— this is generally more for the people who are personally involved in those events, but not always; I’ve got a wedding to go to,  and I’m thinking I may go get a spray…

I cling to this notion that tanning is only for ‘summer’, but on a day like today, I’m thinking it might be time to throw off the conditioning of a lifetime.

Maybe I’ll start, and just do my legs… but it is really only April… halp.

OMGifting: It is Almost Christmas

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… or whatever holiday you celebrate, it doesn’t matter — where did the time go?!? Sheesh! I’ve got some suggestions if you’ve got a bunch of Secret Santa/Kris Kindle/or this other thing I came across on the intertubes the other day: a Yankee Swap. As Wiki says in the link, it’s a North American thing, but not in my region, thanks very much. It may or may not involve stealing! Wha’?!

Well, that took my mind off the fact that not only is it no time at’all ’til gift-exchanging time, I am also probably way late with a feature like this. On the other hand, that is so exquisitely apt that I am impressed with its conceptual correctness.

Okay! Never mind! Last minute gifts that are amazing and don’t look last minute! Continue reading →